Reimagining Discipline in the Compassionate Classroom: Time In Vs. Time Out
During my time running a large family child care program in Wilmington, Delaware, I found myself using “Time Out” as a classroom management tool—during some of my toughest years caring for young children in my home. I was "burnt out". The children were struggling. And no one was truly benefiting from the constant redirection, isolation, and removal that time out represented.
But then, after many quiet moments of reflection, it hit me: What if, instead of sending children away when they were feeling big emotions, we invited them closer?
That moment was the birth of an idea I now call Time In.
From Solitary to Solidarity
When I looked closely, I saw how time out—though widely accepted—mirrored something eerily similar to solitary confinement. And while we may not think of it in those terms, the practice of isolating children when they are emotionally overwhelmed sends a harmful message: your big feelings are too much, and you must deal with them alone.
What children really need in those moments isn’t distance. They need connection.
They need someone to sit beside them and say:
How are you feeling right now?
Do you need a glass of water?
Do you want to draw or breathe with me?
Do you want a moment to just be?
That is the heart of Time In—creating the space for emotional co-regulation, compassion, and presence.
The Ripple Effect of Emotional Literacy
In March, we introduced a Feelings Thermometer in every center where Teach Zen Inc offers programming. This simple visual tool is used daily—not only with children but also among staff and administrators. It’s become a bridge to deeper conversations, offering language and permission to check in with ourselves and others.
We’ve seen firsthand how the emotional tone of a school trickles down from leadership to the youngest learners. When a teacher is overwhelmed, constantly calling out, sending a child out of the classroom, or withdrawing emotionally, it’s often a signal that they’ve hit their capacity.
Instead of punishment, what if we responded with presence?
Instead of disciplining teachers who are struggling, what if we offered them a Time In?
Time In for Adults: Building Emotionally Resilient Teams
When administrators see a teacher “losing it,” the usual response might be to cut hours, write them up, or find ways to avoid the discomfort. But what if we leaned into the discomfort instead?
Here’s what a Time In for staff could look like:
Scheduling a short check-in: How are you feeling today? How do you want to feel?
Offering support: What can I take off your plate this week?
Providing community care: What can we do as a team to support one another right now?
Creating adult calm spaces: one corner with a massage chair, a sand garden, or even a single plush chair with soft lighting where adults can reconnect to their center.
Your center is your grounded self—the place within that remains still, soft, and whole even when everything else feels chaotic.
When we support the emotional well-being of our educators, we’re not only helping them— we’re modeling the kind of emotionally resilient communities we want to build for children too.
Let’s normalize Time In. For our students. For our staff. For ourselves.
Because discipline without compassion is control. And teaching without emotional connection isn’t sustainable.
Let’s choose presence over punishment—starting now.
Want to bring emotional resilience training to your school or team? Teach Zen Inc offers Professional Development to help educators regulate, recharge, and reconnect to their purpose. 📩 Reach out to learn more or schedule a training.