The Soft Teacher: A Movement of Change in Americas Classrooms

For far too long, being soft was seen as a weakness. But lately, people have started to realize that softness can be a strength worth embracing. The “soft girl era” took off on social media and really resonated with Black women—long labeled as “angry.” It’s cool to see the younger generation using social media to change that false narrative. However, there is still so much to do around making being soft a social norm.

I haven’t seen many examples of softness in the professional world—I’ve never come across a self proclaimed soft lawyer, banker, or accountant. And I get why; the corporate world is built on some pretty outdated, patriarchal belief systems. But maybe the one place where we really need to bring softness is the classroom. There’s a real need for a “Soft Teacher” movement because if there’s ever been a time to be gentle with our children, it’s now.

So, what does it mean to be a soft teacher? I think it’s important to take some time to figure that out. As I grow in my own softness, I know I’ll have plenty of insights to share on this topic. Every interaction in the classroom and every moment with young children teaches me something new. I want to use this space to share what I learn and invite others to reflect on and share their own experiences of being a soft teacher. I’ve already picked up a few key ideas about what that looks like.

For example, the first place we need to bring softness is in how we talk to children, no matter their age. It blows my mind that we sometimes have more patience with a grown-ups inability to communicate than with a tiny two-year-old who’s just arrived in the world. Why do we do that? I believe we’re stuck on the old idea that “children should be seen and not heard.” This phrase was drilled into us by our elders—maybe for a long time, it made sense. During slavery, strict rules might have been needed to keep children safe, where one mistake could be deadly. Sadly, even now, the need to protect our children is of great concern, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t feel safe enough to express themselves in our classrooms.

A lot of teachers, overwhelmed with endless tasks, end up using harsh tones and strict commands in class, thinking that’s the only way to be heard. I’m here to say that’s not the right approach. A teacher who yells every day sets a harmful example, and both they and their students pay the price. Everyone deserves to be spoken to with respect—a gentle tone won’t be ignored. Sure, there are times when you need to be firm, but that can still come from a place of care and understanding. Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it. If you’re feeling frustrated or angry, maybe hold off until you can speak calmly, so your words actually make someone want to listen.

In "Nonviolent Communication," Marshall Rosenberg explains how our need to control each other has changed the way we speak. He shows us that real, compassionate listening is key. I believe this is especially important when talking with young children—a skill that's often missing both at home and in school.

I know it takes a lot of patience to understand a two- or three-year-old and sometimes even a teenager,, but that doesn't lessen the need for active, caring listening. We all want to feel heard, and it’s hard to build a better world if we keep talking past each other.

Over the years, I’ve picked up some simple tricks for those hectic moments when the classroom gets too loud or stressful. For example, if a child wants to tell me something while I’m busy, I might ask them to hold my hand and promise I’ll listen as soon as I can. Another tip is to sit down with the child, make eye contact, and give them my full attention while listening to them speak. After listening, it’s great to repeat back to them what you heard. This gives them the opportunity to correct any miscommunications before proceeding with the conversation. Lastly, if a child gets upset, try taking them to a quieter spot away from the noise. It creates a calm space where you both can take a moment to talk and listen.

In conclusion, communication with children—whether in the classroom or at home—requires patience, compassion, and a commitment to truly listening. Softness is a strength, and by embracing empathetic, mindful interactions, we can create environments where children feel heard, respected, and valued. From understanding the power of gentler tones to finding ways to connect even amidst chaos, teaching through love and compassion opens doors to growth and understanding. As we continue to explore what it means to be a soft teacher and cultivate spaces of care, we shape a better future for both the children we teach and the world they will one day lead.